


The Only Kind of Steady I Believe In

by dev0n



Series: The Devil With the Black Dress On [3]
Category: Daredevil (Comics), Daredevil (TV), Punisher (Comics), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Earth-1045, F/M, MtF!Matt Murdock, Trans Female Character, Trans!Matt Murdock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-06-27 02:46:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15676452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dev0n/pseuds/dev0n
Summary: "Not fair," Frank complains. "Your goddamn suit covers everything.""Then come inside and I'll take it off," Mattie replies unthinkingly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: i'm trans but i'm not a trans woman, so if i fuck anything up, please feel free to let me know!
> 
> title from unconditional love by against me!

For a couple of weeks, things between Mattie and Frank don't get more heated than making out. There's not much discussion between them about this new arrangement, really, just a few stolen moments here and there on rooftops and in dark alleys. Mattie is usually the one to stop things from progressing, and Frank never objects or asks questions. (The only thing he ever complains about is the lipstick smears he can never completely wipe away. Mattie tells him it's something to remember her by. After the first couple of times, she slips a package of makeup wipes into Frank's duffel bag.)

The thing is, Mattie hasn't slept with anyone in a long time. Not since she started transitioning. She knows what she likes from her own explorations, but she's nervous about it. And then -- she doesn't know if Frank knows she's transgender. Her transition, both as Daredevil and as Madeline Murdock, had been before they met; but it's not exactly difficult information to find, and Mattie has no idea how well she passes.

Tonight isn't much different from that first fateful night. It's near dawn, and the two of them are bickering amicably about the best way to split up the money from their most recent conquest. Mattie refuses to tell Frank that she thinks it's adorable when he insists on donating at least half of their ambiguously-gotten gains to local pet shelters.

"I just think it should be split depending on where we got it from," Mattie says, and, oh, they're on her roof. She turns her head slightly toward Frank. "Whatever. It's getting light out and I have case files to go over before next week."

Frank scowls at her. "You're deflecting," he accuses, walking her back two steps until he has her pressed up against an electrical box. Mattie allows the show of dominance -- this time. She smirks at him and reaches up to cup his chin with a rough, gloved hand.

"Maybe I had something more fun than arguing on my mind," she replies, sliding her free hand around to the back of his neck to pull Frank into a kiss. He rests a hand on her hip and one on her shoulder, one leg pressing between hers. Mattie breaks the kiss after a few moments and kisses down Frank's jaw and neck.

"Not fair," Frank complains, the hand on her shoulder sliding around to the back of her head. "Your goddamn suit covers everything."

"Then come inside and I'll take it off," Mattie replies unthinkingly, then freezes. She feels Frank tense briefly with surprise.

"You live here?" he asks as Mattie pulls back, wrapping her arms around his neck loosely. She nods. "Huh." Frank pauses. "Did you really mean that, or were you thinkin' with your downstairs brain?"

Mattie scoffs, heart hammering in her chest. At least she can tell Frank's heart rate is elevated, too. "I meant it," she decides after a moment. Then, because she apparently has no filter tonight and she just wants to get it out of the way, Mattie adds, "But I'm transgender. So. If that's going to be a problem, I take it back."

Frank's heartbeat remains even. He gives her what she imagines is a thoroughly unimpressed look. "I know. People were talkin' about it on the internet after the trial, Red." He reaches up to take off her mask. "I don't give a shit what's under that suit. You should know that by now. We donate a lot of cash to those - what the fuck is the acronym now? LGBT-whatever charities. You just tell me what you do and don't like, and we'll go from there."

Mattie thinks she's probably beaming at him. She pulls him into another hard kiss, hands grabbing at the lapels of his coat, then pushes him back and heads for the roof access door. "Just double checking," Mattie shrugs, unlocking the door and gesturing for Frank to follow. "Hurry up before I change my mind."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did a writing sprint to finish this and wrote 1,008 words in 30 minutes!!!!! i am super proud of myself. only about half of it is proofread, though, because i have literally zero attention span for anything ever.
> 
> again, disclaimer: i'm trans but not a trans woman. i know not every trans person has the same kinds of dysphoria or experiences in general, and mattie's comfort with certain anatomical terms certainly isn't the same for everybody. if i fucked anything up, please feel free to tell me!

Mattie leads the way downstairs, unlocking her door and gesturing for Frank to come inside. "Leave your weapons over there," she orders, gesturing toward an empty corner of the hallway. "I don't want them in my house." Half-listening to Frank as he hangs his coat and obediently disarms himself, Mattie crosses the room to the wardrobe. she opens it and sets her mask inside, then tugs down the cowl of her suit. Frank drops his last knife into his almost-overflowing duffel bag of weapons, then toes off his boots and crosses the room to stand behind her.

"We don't have to--" Frank starts, but Mattie cuts him off.

"Will you undo the clasps for me?" she asks, gesturing to the back of her suit. "It's a pain in the ass."

Frank hums his assent. It takes him a moment to figure it out, but then he undoes each one, starting from the top. Mattie's wearing a tank top beneath it, but his fingertips brush against the skin at the nape of her neck, making her shiver. She slides out of the suit after a few moments, then turns to face Frank, hands resting against his chest. Mattie feels naked, even though she's still wearing the tank and a pair of compression shorts over her underthings; she's never been this exposed in front of Frank before.

But Mattie is the Woman Without Fear, so she tugs Frank's shirt up and grabs him by the belt buckle. "Hurry up," she huffs, and Frank lets out a startled half-laugh.

"Alright, alright," he says, amused, pulling his shirt over his head as Mattie gets his belt undone. "Bedroom?"

"Behind me," Mattie says distractedly, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing along his jaw. Without warning, Frank lifts her with two wide hands on her ass. Mattie lets out an embarrassing squeak and automatically wraps her legs around his waist. She smacks his shoulder, but he just laughs again.

"Asshole," Mattie says breathlessly as she's deposited onto the bed, but they both know how much enjoyed the show of strength. Frank kisses her hard, and she marvels at the feeling of his shirtless chest beneath her hands, the canvas of scars beneath her fingertips. But Frank pulls away too soon, and Mattie huffs unhappily.

"Relax, princess, I'm just getting the rest of my clothes off," Frank says. Mattie guesses he's rolling his eyes. Frank turns to look at her; she can tell the only thing he's still wearing is a pair of briefs.

"Thought you'd be a boxers kinda guy," she grins, and this time Frank does roll his eyes.

"You gonna criticize my choice in underwear, or are you gonna strip?" Frank asks.

Suddenly a little shy, Mattie sits up. "I, uh..." She clears her throat. "I haven't been with anybody since I came out. Just... So you know. You're the first."

Frank loses the attitude and sits on the bed beside her, resting a hand on her knee. "You sure you want this?"

"Yes!" Mattie says quickly. "It's not that. It's just -- I don't know. I guess I'm a little nervous. I don't know how I look."

"Beautiful," Frank answers softly, and his heartbeat remains as steady as ever. He cups her jaw and leans in to kiss her slowly, sweetly. Mattie's heart pounds. She didn't expect him to ever show such vulnerability in front of her, and it's... Strangely touching.

When the kiss ends, Mattie gets up from the bed, pulling off the tanktop and shorts. In a plain black sports bra and panties, she pushes Frank onto his back and straddles his waist, pinning his wrists to the bed. "Can I ride you?" Mattie murmurs, tracing her fingertips along his jaw and down his throat. She feels a few smudges of lipstick and little teeth marks scattered across his skin.

"Fuck," Frank mutters, calloused hands rubbing along her thighs. "Yeah ─ yeah. C'mere." He pulls her into another kiss, his touch still bordering on reverent as he slides his hands up her sides and around her back. Frank traces his fingertips over her more obvious scars, curious, then continues with his exploration of her skin.

Mattie does much the same, mapping out his body with her hands. She kisses down Frank's throat to his shoulder, flicking her tongue out over an old bullet scar she finds there. His body certainly reflects the war he's been fighting for so long, she thinks. Even his skin tastes faintly of gunpowder.

"Can I--" Frank hesitates, hands on Mattie's thighs again. Mattie sits up, tilting her head questioningly. "Uh. What do you call your..." He gestures. Mattie laughs a little, but it's fond and a little flustered.

"I'm still comfortable calling it my dick," she replies. "Thank you for asking. And I definitely encourage you to touch it."

Frank doesn't need to be told twice. He grabs Mattie's ass, shifting his hips a little and grinding up against her. She gasps quietly, fingertips digging into Frank's shoulder a little. Mattie rolls her hips down, enjoying the soft huffs of air Frank lets out each time. She wonders if she can get him to be more vocal.

Before Mattie can devise a plan, though, Frank tugs down her panties and wraps a rough hand around her cock. Mattie whines quietly and drops onto her elbows to kiss Frank again, hips bucking up into his hand. "One sec," she breathes, and stretches out to tug open her nightstand drawer. Mattie retrieves a condom and a bottle of lube, then shifts so she can remove her panties completely. She drops the condom and lube on the bed, tosses the panties onto the floor, and settles back in Frank's lap. Mattie hesitates only a moment before removing her bra as well, discarding it on the floor with the rest of their clothes.

"Fuck," Frank groans, leaning in to trail kisses down her neck and chest. He drags his tongue over each of her nipples, and Mattie lets out a quiet, breathy groan. "Fuck, Mattie, you're _gorgeous._ You know that?"

"Shut up," Mattie says weakly, but she doesn't mean it. Frank rolls them over so Mattie's on her back, then reaches for the lube. He slicks a couple fingers with it, then nudges Mattie's legs a little further apart so he can slide a finger into her entrance. Mattie makes a soft noise, and Frank kisses her while he fucks her with it for a few moments. A second finger soon joins the first, and Frank takes care as he starts to stretch her open. He breaks the kiss to nip and lick down along her neck again instead, and Mattie squirms beneath him, one hand tangling into his hair.

"Hurry up," Mattie complains, voice a little hoarse. Frank bites down on her shoulder unexpectedly ─ not hard enough to hurt, but when he sucks at the skin, Mattie knows it'll leave a mark.

"Don't wanna hurt you," Frank says when he pulls back. "I'm, uh. Pretty big."

Mattie rolls her eyes, reaching between them to find his cock. "Don't flatter yourse..." When she wraps her fingers around his length through his briefs, she discovers that he is not, in fact, exaggerating. "... Okay, but it doesn't matter. I'm ready. Please, Frank?"

Frank can't say no to that voice. He groans against her skin, withdrawing his fingers and shuffling out of his underwear. He unwraps the condom and rolls on hurriedly; it's a little tight, but Frank barely notices. "You sure you're--"

Mattie rolls them over again so Frank's beneath her. Bracing one hand on his chest, she reaches behind herself with the other to hold the base of his cock in place. Slowly, she starts to sink down onto it. Frank lets out a low, guttural groan that goes straight to Mattie's cock. But he _is_ big; she has to go slower than she'd like.

"Pretty sure I'm ready," Mattie pants after a few seconds, and Frank huffs out a short laugh. His hands settle at Mattie's waist, and he's patient and still as she adjusts to his size. Once Mattie is about halfway down, she starts to rock up and down; each time she slides down, she takes a little more of Frank's cock inside of her.

"So fuckin' gorgeous," Frank pants, reaching up to brush a few stray strands of hair out of Mattie's face. She smiles in response, leaning down to kiss Frank in lieu of responding aloud.

After a few minutes, Mattie settles into a rhythm that works for both of them. Frank sits up, wrapping an arm around her waist, and she places a hand on either of his shoulders to give herself better leverage. Frank kisses her hand, his free hand coming up to cup one breast. He brushes his thumb over one nipple, and Mattie's hips jerk involuntarily. The motion causes Frank's cock to brush up against just the right spot inside of her, and she gasps, sliding one hand up into Frank's hair.

"There, there, please, Frank--" Mattie breathes, and he holds her hips still and fucks up into her at the exact same angle. Mattie lets out panting groans with each thrust, one hand clutching desperately at Frank's shoulder while the other twists just as tightly into his hair.

Frank grunts and rolls them over so he's on top again. Mattie whines as his cock slips out of her in the process, but Frank is quick to press back inside. He pauses once he's inside, though, and Mattie flushes as she feels his gaze sweep over her.

"Come _on_ , you sap," she goads. Frank laughs and gives a particularly sharp thrust that makes Mattie whimper again. "Harder," Mattie pleads.

"Yeah," Frank murmurs, voice low and rough. "Alright, sweetheart." Frank hitches one of Mattie's legs up his hip and adjusts his angle, kissing all along her neck and chest as he picks up the pace and speed of his thrusts. Mattie lets out a rather high-pitched whine when he manages to find her prostate again, and she feels him smile against her shoulder as he drives into the same spot over and over again.

"Fuck -- _fuck,_ Frank, I'm already..." _already close,_ she doesn't finish, because she gets the feeling Frank already knows what she means. He wraps one callused hand around her cock, giving it haphazard strokes, and Mattie cries out again. It's been too long since she's been with someone else, and it's always been difficult for her to keep control in the first place; sex is always a sensory overload for her, even more so when accompanied by emotions. And _God,_ does she have feelings for the man currently inside of her. Absurdly, it's when she's right on the edge of orgasm that Mattie realizes she's probably in love with Frank Castle.

"Close," Mattie whimpers, and Frank kisses her, stroking her cock a little faster. Mattie turns her head away from him after a few seconds to moan out his name as she spills across his knuckles, only dimly aware that she's digging her nails into his shoulders.

"C'mon," Mattie gasps out once she comes back to herself. Her hands slide down, fingertips digging into either of Frank's ass cheeks. "C'mon, Frank, come for me. C'mon--"

"Red," Frank breathes, and he's nuzzling at her neck again, his thrusts becoming more and more irregular with each passing second. "I'm -- I --" and then Mattie feels him come. She can feel the way he tenses up, hear the deep groan he muffles against her skin, feel the cum fill up the condom inside her. Mattie raises a hand to run through his hair a few times as he rides it out with a few more half-hearted thrusts.

They lay like that for a few moments before Frank pulls away and carefully pulls out. Mattie grimaces at the empty feeling and tracks Frank as he crosses the room, pulling the condom off of his softening cock and dropping it into the wastebasket beside the door. He returns to the bed afterward, sitting at the edge of it. He hesitates there, though, and neither speaks for several long moments.

"Come back to bed," Mattie says finally, reaching out toward him. For a few seconds, he continues to say nothing, and Mattie fears that she's said or done something wrong; that he's going to get up, gather his clothes, and walk out of her apartment and her life.

But instead, Frank does exactly as Mattie says. He slides into bed beside her, tugging the covers up over them both. "You sure you want..."

"Yes," Mattie says firmly, rolling onto her side to face him. She reaches out, smooths Frank's hair back from his face. "Stay the night. Stay for breakfast in the morning." Mattie pauses. "If I have groceries, anyway."

Frank laughs and wraps an arm loosely around her waist. Mattie takes it one step further and curls into his chest, wrapping an arm around him in return. "Just be here when I wake up," she requests softly.

Frank smooths back Mattie's hair and leans down to press a kiss to her forehead. He's quiet for a moment, then she hears a rustle as he nods once. "Yeah. Alright. I'll be here when you wake up," he promises, voice uncharacteristically soft. There is nothing in his heartbeat to indicate it's a lie; Mattie relaxes muscles she didn't know she'd had tensed. "G'night, Red."

Mattie smiles to herself, nuzzling a little closer. "Night, Frank," she murmurs.

(Frank wakes up with a nightmare in the early hours of the morning. Mattie wakes, too, but Frank finds that all he needs to calm him is to breathe in the scent of her hair and feel the steady thud of her heart against his palm.)


End file.
